A classic ice cream sundae, complete with a cherry on top (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Guest Post by Ben Dooley
I wonder what it would be like to say “NO” to saying “YES”.
And then say “YES” to saying “NO”.
See? Perhaps it’s really not that hard.
All right, so perhaps that’s helpful, maybe not.
A couple other things to consider is that for every NO there is a corresponding YES. And vice-versa.
If I say YES to eating that triple scoop sundae, then I’m clearly (though unconsciously) saying NO to that hourglass figure.
Most often our YESs and NOs are made automatically, unconsciously, habitually. Getting present to the choice can be powerful.
This can happen by cleanly exploring what you are REALLY choosing or not choosing. And to look at the gifts/consequences from BOTH sides. What is it that I’m REALLY saying YES and NO to?
If I say YES to the triple ice cream sundae, then I’m saying YES to my cravings. I’m saying YES to my instant gratification. I’m saying YES to my sweet tooth. I’m saying YES to having fun with my friends. I’m saying YES to perhaps gaining weight. I’m saying YES to getting a sugar rush late at night. I’m saying YES to feeling crappy in the morning. I’m saying YES to treating myself. Etc.
And also list all the NOs that come into play. I’m saying NO to my health. I’m saying NO to my integrity. I’m saying NO to my willpower. I’m saying NO to all the rules. I’m saying NO to my diet. I’m saying NO to feeling that I don’t deserve it.
Look for the “positive” and “negative” feelings that arise on both sides. Not all NOs are bad and all YESs are good. It’s the context they’re in and the meaning that we give them.
The other thing that this points to is not so much that we have a hard time saying NO, it’s that the YES may be automatic. By making a conscious and intentional YES, that can open the door to an empowered NO when appropriate.
So instead of learning how to say NO, perhaps we just need to learn how to powerfully say YES.
Ben Dooley is THE Confidence Coach.
